At Least It Rains
by Anna Maxwell
Summary: A battle leaves two of the pilots dead, and one of the wives grieves. (Author error, I had to re-load it...)


Anna's note: Hi, gang. This is a story that my best friend wrote and she asked me to post some of her stories. For a quick explanation of names, my pen name is taken from my middle name and Duo's last name. Chase is just a name my friend liked (there is a story behind it, but waaay to long to put here) coupled with Heero's last name. Those are our pen names. As for the characters in the story, Anna and Chase were loosely based on us personality wise, but quickly changed. So most of the stories she and I teamed up on have a Anna/Duo Chase/Heero pairing, as with this. Sooo, all that to make sure you know there's a difference between the pen name and the character. ^_^ Enjoy. (P.S. This story doesn't end here. Chase and I are currently working on a much larger piece set after this where everyone is alive….)  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: This is a story that popped into my head. It's very sad and depressing. This is just your warning. It's a deathfic, but it handles more of Chase and Anna's reactions after the deaths. This is from Chase's point of view.  
  
Also, the Italics inside parenthesises are more of a sub-conscience thought.  
  
  
  
1 At Least It Rains  
  
  
  
I lay on my bed. My eyes won't focus. They're dull. At one time they were alive. I suppose they danced with a love for life that I once had. My spirit once longed for adventure.  
  
Now here I lay: eyes dull. Soul dying. I know I haven't moved in hours.  
  
I hear the door open. I don't look up. I know who it is. What's the use? She's probably going through the same gun wrenching pain that grief causes that I am at this time. There's no doubt in my mind about that. I just can't bring myself to console my friend. I feel like dying, not consoling.  
  
"Chase?" Anna whispers quietly. "You can't lay there in grief and self pity. It's killing you."  
  
I sit up. My anger is even gone. Just an emptiness left, but that emptiness is lashing out. My dull green eyes meet her tear filled blue ones. "'Self pity'?" (I'm in no mood for Anna's logic.) "'Self pity'?!" (Even though I know it's stupid not to listen…) "'Self pity'?!!" (I can't, no, won't.) "You can't talk, Anna!" I find myself screaming at her. (I want to die.) "You've barely stopped crying since Quatre told us!" Why am I yelling? (I want a way out.) "And you accuse me of 'laying in grief and self pity'?!" I don't even feel like it's me speaking anymore. I never talk to Anna like this. (I can't take it anymore.) "How dare you?" (They're gone.)  
  
Anna stands in shock. (He's gone.) It's next to never that we fight. I'm not surprised. (I want to be with him.) I'm starting to cross that line and I feel it when I don't react to her tears. (I can't stay here any longer.) She turns away, but I know the tears are coming again. (Why did you leave me?) She turns back. "I've grieved, Chase." Her voice is calm, but cracking slightly with strained emotions. (Why couldn't I save you?) "I know you are too, in your own way, but I won't allow you to kill yourself by doing so." (Heero, why did you have to go?)  
  
I look at her in what probably resembles shock. How could I ever be so blind? So selfish? I suppose my soul hasn't died yet because I can feel the pain Anna's going through now.  
  
I look out the window, remembering the battle. I had been harsh. I hadn't come in until late. I'd slept in and they'd let me sleep. They thought it would be an easy mission. They had been wrong.  
  
We came back to the safe house with two wounded pilots. I'm not sure what Anna went through as Duo died. Did she cradle him in her arms as I did Heero?  
  
I stayed "strong" while holding him. I didn't cry, but what did it cost me? My soul? My humanity? Everything? I was "strong" for him. Did he know I loved him?  
  
"I'm so sorry, Anna," I whisper. "I'm so sorry."  
  
I feel Anna place a hand on my shoulder and she gives a weak smile. "S'okay, Chase."  
  
I look up sadly. "Can I move back into our old room?" There were too many memories in this room. Heero's and mine.  
  
Anna nods. "They'll wait for us. It'll be a while, but they'll wait."  
  
  
  
Dinner tonight is unusually quiet. Duo wasn't there picking stuff off of everyone's plates. Even Wufei was quiet. I think of how the guys and we always chatted around the table. Anna must really miss him.  
  
Quatre breaks the silence. "The funerals will be tomorrow. I though it might easier on everyone if they were at once."  
  
"Thanks for taking care of everything," Anna says.  
  
He nods and smiles sadly. "That's all right, Anna-san. I will make it easier for everyone. Chase-san? Daijoubu desu ka?"  
  
I nod wordlessly. The funerals are tomorrow. I drift in and out of listening to Quatre's idle talk. It's all worthless now…  
  
  
  
The day of a funeral is always hard. It's even worse when you're nineteen and attending your own husband's and best friend's husband's.  
  
I'm warring a black dress. I've only worn a dress twice since I came to this world. The only other time I've worn it was for my wedding day.  
  
I glanced at Anna to see her leaning on Wufei, I' not much support, so naturally she'd turn to an other close friend.  
  
I sigh and watch everyone. No one smiles. No one laughs. Everyone its and talks. I won't. I don't want to socialise. Most of the people here never met Heero or Duo. If they had, it was only briefly. Just diplomats and such.  
  
"He loved you."  
  
I look back to see where the voice had come from. When I turn I am forced to look up to meet the ocean coloured eyes of Zechs Marquise. Thank you, Zechs. Heero would be honoured to know you are here.  
  
"He loved you," he repeats. He lifts my chin so I'll meet his eyes. "Don't blame yourself."  
  
I can feel my control braking. The realisation that he'll never come back hits me with more of a force than a gundam could ever put out. "He's gone," I hear myself choke out. I feel Zechs pull me close in an embrace. I've always suspected that he considers me another sister. He's been protective. He strokes my hair and lets me cry. "He's not coming back."  
  
Zechs leads me to a chair. I lean up against him and sob. I feel weak. I feel venerable. I feel like…like I've lost everything.  
  
"Chase?"  
  
I look up. "Is this a dream, Zechs? Is this some awful nightmare that I can wake from eventually?"  
  
"I hope so, Chase. I hope so."  
  
Thank you, Zechs. I smile inwardly. I am the only one left that will come him that now that Heero is gone. Everyone calls him Milliardo Peacecraft. I suppose that makes me special.  
  
He lefts my chin again. "Will you be all right?"  
  
I want to scream, "No, you idiot! I've just lost the only man I've ever loved!" But I can't. He is trying to help me. "I'll live." Probably.  
  
"Milliardo?"  
  
We both turn to see Relena. She has been crying, that much is obvious. She once loved him, in a childish way. How could she not care for the man that protected her?  
  
"Oh, Chase-san, I didn't see you there." We're back to formalities again. She gives me a sad smile. "The press is about to arrive."  
  
I groan quietly. The press gets worse and worse. After the war with Marimaea ended, I thought we'd never have privacy because of the blasted media.  
  
"Can we keep them out?" Zechs asks.  
  
Relena turns. "You know if I had been able to, none of the media would ever get into things we wish to keep privet, but I can't." She looks me strait in the eye. "Chase, they'll come after you and Anna. You were closest to them."  
  
I nod. "Anna and I can sneak out."  
  
"We'll be leaving for the funeral soon," she goes on. She then turns a meaningful eye to me. The hate from years ago was completely gone. "How are you holding up?"  
  
I glanced at the people departing. "Fair."  
  
  
  
Today is cold and rainy. At least it rains. It's better if it rains. I heard a song once that said that rain is tears falling from the floors of heaven. I try to imagine angels crying. Angels crying for the world that has lost two men that contributed so much. They would cry for Anna. For me. For the others.  
  
I look for snow. It seems like it should snow. No. Snow is beautiful. I don't want anything beautiful. Death is not beautiful. Death is an ugly, awful thing.  
  
The press was just barely avoided. I'll threaten them later.  
  
I look up to the sky and watch the rain fall. I pray God will keep him safe and have him wait for me.  
  
I feel a hand on my shoulder. "The guys are discussing something," Anna whispers. "I'm not sure what, but they change the subject every time I go near."  
  
I glance over. They do appear to be discussing something important…  
  
"We'll find out later," I say with a dismissive tone.  
  
  
  
As the day drags on, I feel myself slipping ever so slowly into an abyss that swallows me whole. I feel the tears stream down my face as Relena speaks. I also feel myself trying to ignore her.  
  
  
  
Before we leave the funeral grounds, I walk over to the caskets. "This is my good-bye, boyos," I say. "Sorry for being such a pain, Duo." I smile slightly as I think of all the crazy things the braided pilot and I had done to each other.  
  
I run a careful hand over Heero's casket. "Ai shittaru, Heero," I whisper. I place my wedding ring on the casket and smile sadly. "I can't love anyone else." With that, I just walk away, much like I did at my grandmother's funeral. I just walk away…  
  
  
  
I walk around vaguely noticing the stars have come out. I'm not really sure where I'm going. I find myself sitting by the pond. It holds so many memories. I gaze up at the stars. "Is the earth as beautiful from the stars as the stars are from earth?" I ask Heero, just like I had five years before. He had said he didn't know, because he never looked. What would he say now?  
  
"'Member the day we tried to dunk each other?" Anna asks from behind.  
  
"We were young."  
  
"I know," she says and sits next to me. "I miss him."  
  
I nod. I know that if I speak I'll break down. So we just sit.  
  
  
  
After a while of sitting I feel a presence behind me. I turn to see everyone standing behind us. The last of the pilots, Zechs, Relena, Hilde, Katharine, Dorothy, and Sally. They all look downcast and Quatre steps up.  
  
"We've been thinking," he says. "When you first came Dr. J said you could always go back to your own word. We figure that we can send you back to the time before you came here and it'll wipe your memories."  
  
"We can't do that," I start. "We can't leave ya'll alone."  
  
Trowa steps toward me. "You won't remember us. Maybe someday you can return and have things turn out differently."  
  
I nod sadly. "I guess we leave now?"  
  
Quatre nods. "It's for the best."  
  
We say our good byes. I hug Zechs. "Take good care of them." I stand by Anna, then add, "I'll see you again. Thanks for everything, minna- san."  
  
Our surroundings started to go fuzzy. I whisper my good-byes to Heero and Duo. Then I clutch the cross that hangs around my neck as we fade….  
  
  
  
Elise Thate sat under the cover. Her grandmother's funeral. She hated funerals. Well, at least it rained. She could imagine angels crying… 


End file.
